Did Kanye have it right when he said, “And when he get on he’ll leave your ass for a white girl?” (The irony is that Kanye….well, never mind).
Let’s just take a quick look at the numbers. According to the U.S. Census Bureau nearly 90% of black men had black wives in 2010. Sounds pretty good to me. In addition to this, studies show that about 78% of black women will eventually marry. (Although at later ages than other races, hence the term eventually) All in all, the idea that most black men marry outside of their race isn’t entirely accurate. It seems that one of the many issues in finding a mate among black women is availability. This is due to higher incidences of incarceration among black men, financial incompatibility, and a higher mortality rate of black men compared to other races. And while yes, most black men do tend to marry black women, black men do have higher rates of intermarriage and interracial dating than black women.
Most people would comment, “Interracial dating isn’t a big deal, I mean you like who you like, right?” Yes. I will be the first to say I have no problem with this. You’re attracted to who you’re attracted to, and you like what you like. What I do have an issue with is the respect level. Take a look at social media and you will see that there is a lack of respect issue when it comes to black women. As black women continue to uplift and promote black men, black women are being ridiculed and overwhelmingly pushed aside for what black men deem, “prettier, less difficult, less mouthy and of course less independent,” models. Don’t believe me? Let’s take a look at a few social media “trends”……
Do I believe that most black men have these thoughts and feelings? No, however I do believe the incidences are high enough to be alarming. There is nothing wrong with attraction, but there are many things wrong with degrading one woman over the other. There is BIG issue with stating the reasons why they don’t date black women, and dating a Latina woman with many of the same qualities. There is a problem with thinking that other races of women are elite and black women are the bottom of the totem pole. There is an issue with taking someone who fights for you on a daily and disrespecting them every chance that you get. There is an issue with black women standing on the front lines for black men, only to feel unprotected, undervalued, and unappreciated on various levels. It’s upsetting, and it’s not all jokes.
So what do we do black women? What’s the solution here? Do we head on over to the lighter side of town? Do we trade in our Daquan for a Donald? I’ve been to a few different countries, and trust, there are other men that would love to wife us down. So what do we do black girls? Do we get out of chocolate city?
I don’t know what the solution should be, but what I do know is this, I love black men. I respect black men. Have I had my issues in the past? Absolutely? It’s hard to continue to have respect for black men when you (a black woman), are constantly disrespected.
However, at my core, I have never stopped loving black men. I have never stopped fighting or caring for black men. From the custodian to the CEO, from the player (and yes they are hard to love) to the most faithful, from the lover of black women, to the so called sell outs, I will never turn my back on black men. Why? The answer for me is simple. I can only be understood by another being who understands my struggle. Someone who understands what it is to be black in America and all too often, misunderstood. Am I crazy for this? Maybe I am. But I would rather be crazy than to become another part of a growing problem in rebuilding black relationships.
Cohen, Phillip. (2015, October) Blog interview. The Stats On Black Women and Marriage. For Harriet.
Chilltopetty2.jpg (2015, November 5) Online photo. Retrieved on August 13, 2016 from https://twitter.com/TonioSpeaks/status/736373884899975168
Written by: Michaela Phelps, Staff Writer, #mygirlsquad