Culture

COURTING YOUR FRIENDS

 

You know what grinds my gears?

A one-sided friendship.

The one where you’re always calling. Always reaching out. Always texting.  Largely, you feel ignored.  While I know that this is usually not done on purpose, I’ve seen it happen to far too many people.

It was then I realized two important things.  Firstly, how you handle friendships can often be seen as precursor to how you will handle any relationship. Secondly, if you think about your life and all its twists and turns, you’ll remember that one person who has always been there. That one person you could not have made it without.    This is why it is important, to make your friendships a priority.

Now before someone starts screaming “I got kids! I got a husband! I ain’t got time to be babying no grown woman!”  Let me explain.

 

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Before I moved from my home state of South Carolina, I was a mad woman.  I had three jobs.  One in retail, one in an office, and I delivered newspapers at 3AM EVERY morning.  In addition to this, I was struggling to balance singing on my group, blogging, being there for my family, preparing to move 14 hours away, teaching bible study, and applying for a master’s program.   I was living off Red Bull and coffee and I was neglecting my friendships more than ever.  Right around this time a good friend of mine informed me that she felt like I was avoiding her.  After basically telling her to get her life and sarcastically inviting her to join me at 3AM for my paper route, my friend hit me with the line that broke my heart into two pieces.

“I guess you’re right.  I would like to do other things but most days I don’t feel like I know what to do.  I’m just so used to doing things with my ex-husband. My life just feels kind of…….empty.”

 Did I mention my friend was a recent divorcee?

Don’t look at me that way.

Even though this was months ago, I still feel horrible. In my haste to live my life I had completely forgotten about some of the people who made my life worth living. I realized that my friend didn’t want anything extra, she just wanted me to be around.

As strange as the concept may seem, friendships are really like relationships. (Without the other obvious benefits.)  You may not romance your homegirl, but it is still important to “court.” Loss of contact is the number one reason people grow apart.  One of the worst feelings in the world is realizing that while you were busy living, your friend was growing. Right until the point she grew out of your life.

I know how it feels to have a “to do list” a mile long.  Yet I can’t stress enough how important it is to remember your friendships.  Luckily, your friends are a little more understanding than your kids or your husband (usually) so it won’t take too much “courting” to woo her.  A five-minute FaceTime chat.  A phone call on the way to work.  A dinner date to Chick -fil-A (Set those kids free in that play area).

Although it may seem like a lot to do, it is a small task to save something that is so much greater.  Because there’s nothing like having true friendship.  So, tell your friend to pack up all 52 of her kids and meet you at the park.  You’re going on a date!

 


Wamath (2016) friendship.jpe.  11 Tips to Finally Get Over Your Ex. Retrieved from http://www.eveyo.com/articles/206865-11-tips-to-finally-get-over-your-ex.html 6 Feb 2017


Written by Michaela Phelps, staff writer at #MyGirlSquad

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Girly girl. Thrift junkie. Lover of life, God, and laughter. Professional over thinker. Straight shooter. Blog link: love-jojo.com

 

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2 thoughts on “COURTING YOUR FRIENDS

  1. Who told you to peek into my life? lol. I recently had a blowout with a friend that I feel doesn’t put half as much effort as I do into our friendship. Thankfully we were not too prideful to have a conversation regarding the blowout and came to terms that I have to speak up more and she has to step up more. We are so consumed with our own lives that we tend to neglect our close friends and other loved ones.

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    • Lol. I took a little peek into the life of every adult I know! It’s so hard. And it seems like the older I get the more I learn about cultivating all relationships. Not just romantic ones. I have a friend who has a hard time speaking up as well. I had to let know to never be afraid to approach me because sometimes I literally don’t realize how neglectful I’m being. I’m so glad you and your friend worked that out. It’s hard keeping good friends!

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