MAYBE NOT MARRIAGE, BUT SOMETHING.
Some years ago, (we won’t get into how many) I made the decision to be celibate. It was one of the hardest yet most rewarding decisions I’ve ever made. Although my religion played a part in my decision, my spirituality played a larger part.
So why did I make this decision?
In short, I was tired of physically and spiritually giving myself to situations that were less than deserving. More importantly, I was involving myself with spiritual energies that did not agree with my own, and to me, that was a dangerous place.
Is it easy? Not at all. Trust me. I’ve never been more aware of men than when I made the decision to go celibate.
Here are some of my suggestions if you are waiting until marriage, or simply just waiting.
DO NOT “CHILL.” YOU CAN’T HANDLE IT. TRUST ME ON THIS.
As humans, we are all sexual beings. There is only so much closeness one can experience without wanting to do the do. My suggestion? Don’t get yourself in this situation. Even if you have the willpower, the other person may not. Keep your dating as social as possible. It’s best to stay out of chill and intimate situations until you and this person develop a mutual respect for your decision. Trust me on this.
WORK OUT LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDED ON IT.
Extra energy can be your worst enemy when you’re celibate. You start thinking about everything you can do, and at least one person you could do it with. Get a gym membership. Dance around the house. Run like hell. Whatever you must do, get rid of that pent-up energy. It will help.
SELF LOVE IS THE SAFEST LOVE.
Now, this is all up to the individual, but any gynecologist will tell you, the safest sex is solo sex. The fact that you can have sex and not worry about STD’s or pregnancy should give you some “hang in there” motivation.
DON’T DISCUSS SEX WHILE CASUALLY DATING.
There’s nothing worse than having all the sexual conversation in the world with someone, and then dropping the bomb that you’re celibate. It doesn’t make you look like a liar, but it does make you look like a tease. There are so many other things to discuss as you are getting to know each other. Calm it down hot pants.
FIND AN ACCOUNTABILITY PARTNER
Unlike working out, your accountability partner doesn’t have to be celibate. (It would be better if they were, but it’s not a requirement.) My accountability partner isn’t celibate, but she does encourage me nevertheless. A good accountability partner is a great person to call when you feel overly tempted.
BE HONEST AND DIRECT.
I cannot tell you when you should tell someone that you’re celibate. However, when you do feel the time is right, be clear and direct. Don’t dance around the issue. It makes you look unbelievable. Nor should you be overly informative. (Having a conversation about your cheating ex from 2012 is a moot point.) Find a middle ground between the two. For example, I rarely (depending on the situation), say how many years I’ve been celibate. In my experience, this can create either an uncomfortable fear or a “testing” situation. Some guys will try you to see if you’re serious. Neither of these is good. However, you must handle your own situation in your own way.
I hope this helps all of you in your decision to wait. Feel free to leave your own tips and let us know why you chose celibacy. Happy waiting!
Written by Michaela Phelps, staff writer #MyGirlSquad