Being a black woman is painful. You wake up every day and have to deal with the endless injustices of this world based on your skin color and your gender. So now, it takes a special kind of woman to go through the violence we go through on the daily and, still deal with a hotep.

A hotep is what I would describe as a ‘pseudo-conscious fuckboy’. They are a special breed of black men that want you to believe that they are ‘woke’ and pro-black in every way. They want you to believe that they are ‘woke‘ to the injustices of the world, ‘woke‘ to white supremacy, ‘woke’ to racism, ‘woke‘ to hate-crimes. But how far does this ‘wokeness’ really go? They want you to believe that they are pro-black, when in essence they are pro-black heterosexual men.

It all starts out great. You discuss the empowerment of black youth, go check out some art and even go to a jazz show or two. You were marching in unison for #BlackLivesMatter and #RhodesMustFall so you think “yasssss” you’ve found your revolutionary lover. But not before long, you start to see through his faux-deep quotes, the glass slipper shatters and you see him for what he truly is – a misogynistic fuckboy who thinks the world should revolve around heterosexual black men. Hoteps will never see you, a black woman, as equal. They will put you down every chance they get to elevate their own egos. They will dictate to you what to wear, how to act and how to feel. They will police your behavior and try to excuse and conceal their misogyny as fact.

They will tell you the LGBQTI community is a conspiracy created by the white man to stop us from reproducing. Then they’ll turn around and perpetuate rape culture by making remarks such as, “she should’ve known better than to walk by herself.” Oh, then they’ll do their utmost best to downplay feminism and say we are “in our feelings” for speaking out against this violence.

So how do you protect yourself from a hotep?

• Have an opinion. Hoteps hate women who have opinions, and smart opinions at that. Who knew women could think for themselves?
• Voice your opinion. Hoteps do not want to engage with smart women because that would expose just how fragile the male ego is.
• Love yourself. Hoteps cannot stand a woman who doesn’t need validation from a man. It’s not very easy controlling someone who loves themselves.

I roll my eyes vigorously as I write this post, thinking of all the hoteps I’ve come across since I’ve started my journey of unlearning and re-learning. The ones who’ve called me “Queen” and “Royalty” as they chugged on a beer, reciting lines from Steve Biko’s I Write What I Like, spewing homophobic ignorance and in the same breath applauding my choice to wear my hair natural instead of in a weave. Because, it’s quite obvious I spend 8-12 hours standing over a sink every wash day to please them. Sigh.

Now this isn’t to say black women should give up on black men. In all honesty, please don’t give up on black men – not all conscious black men are hoteps. It’s a plea for black women to love themselves first and realize that if we want to survive the war, we are our only allies. Because if we leave it up to the hoteps, we’ll be in the front lines taking all the bullets while they ready themselves in the back to take all the glory.

Zuleka Pukwana is a copywriter and freelance writer based in Johannesburg, South Africa. Not afraid to speak her mind, her bold personality makes life a little more interesting. She’s on a journey to unlearn and learn new things so do share your opinions with her on Twitter @SayItAintZee_

Written By: Zuleka Pukwana, Staff Writer, #mygirlsquad