Introvert Girl, Extrovert World… … A Day in the Life

I’m an introvert.  Not a social one.  Not a slight one.  I’m a real one, and I’d been fighting it for twenty some odd years.

When people think of the word introvert, they automatically think of a social hermit, living a sad anti-social life.  Okay, well maybe nobody thinks of it that way, but I did.  So, I fought the idea of me being an introvert. There was no way I was that person!

When you’re struggling with introversion, you and everyone else will have you second guessing your thoughts.  What about the social clubs I joined? The family events?  The trips? Then there was  my favorite line, “Omg you’re so funny!” and “I love all of your social media posts!” With all of this going on no way I was an introvert. I labeled myself as a “social introvert” or my favorite, “an introverted extrovert.” That name worked until it didn’t work anymore.  Because it was a lie.  All of it was a lie.

To the rest of the world, we are simply ordinary human beings. Yet on the inside, we know the truth. We are on high alert.  From the time we wake up in the morning, until the time we lay in our bed.  Our minds are constantly active, always thinking, and constantly considering our next move.

We go to our jobs secretly hoping that we will not have to make small talk with multiple people. Not because we don’t want to speak.  We just have no clue how to have surface conversation.  We crave deeper connections and have a love for meaningful conversations.  However, when it comes to small talk, we just can’t do it.

Then we must deal with the stares. The talk. The whispers.  Why is she so quiet?  That girl is so antisocial, or my personal favorite, a bitch.   Yet you aren’t anti-social, and you’re far from a bitch. You choose your words carefully, and you are ALWAYS thinking.  It’s your gift and your curse.  Yet in return, you are labeled as strange.  Stand-offish.  Mean.  Too quiet, or too shy.

You move right along in your day to evening activities. It is here where introverts really shine. Social lives.  You walk into the crowded hustle and bustle, trying your best to calm your mind from the many thoughts that are running through it.  You have a few conversations, yet nothing seems to be the connection that you genuinely crave. You return home, drained, tired, and needing hours’ worth of rest to recharge from all of that “socializing.”   You see for introverts; social hour Is a workout.  A mental one that can leave you completely depleted of energy.  Unlike your more outgoing friends, socializing takes considerable effort for an introvert.  It doesn’t come naturally.

As the day ends, your mind begins to race with a plethora of thoughts. From work to friendships, to goals.  You never stop thinking.  You wonder why your friendships are so surface.  Why romance is so complicated.  Why you feel this constant need to be alone, yet you don’t have a desire to always be alone.  You can’t shake the feeling that you won’t be accepted by others, which only forces you to withdraw even more.   It’s maddening.    It’s tiring.  It’s borderline draining.  But it’s introversion.

Then there’s that final feeling. That need to be understood by people who love you. Wishing that your loved ones understood the importance of your recharge time.  Wanting new friends, while craving deeper connections.  Keeping yourself busy because you have no idea what you’ll do if you start thinking. You wish that someone understood that when you’re chilling at the party, you’re not bored, or ready to go.  You’re only observing so that you can process it all later.  Again, the life of an introvert.

To all the introverts out there, own it!!   You will be happier being yourself than pretending to be anyone else.  If nothing else remember that you have something special inside of you.   Although you are a smoldering fire, your warmth is the same.  Introversion has both challenged and strengthened me in ways I never imagined.   It has made me better, and for that, I am happy to be an introvert girl, in an extrovert world.