Culture / Good Reads

The unspoken truths of social media- Part 1

Social media can be tricky but here are some truths to it.

  • There are three levels to sadness.
    •  One: remaining silent
    •  Two: crying
    •  Three: removing WhatsApp profile picture and status.
  • When your friend breaks up with their ex, you have to unfriend their ex on social media too and heaven forbid, you dare like their pics or statuses. It’s a no-no!
  • At some point you’ve thought to yourself that Facebook needs a “why you lying” button.

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  • When someone blocks you, you laugh and stalk them with your fake account.
  • When you meet people, you’re not sure whether to play it cool or ask if they enjoyed Dubai in 2011, who doesn’t virtual stalk?
  • You can touch people but not their phones.
  • Getting upset and wondering why someone unfollowed or unfriended you.
  • At least once, you’ve had creepy people message you saying “I want friendship with you” or “you are very bootiful.” And if you haven’t received one of those messages before, you might just be one of those creepy people.
  • ‘No of course I wasn’t offended, don’t worry about it.”, 3 hours later- sees a deep status directed at you.
  • Thank goodness for social media, otherwise you’d have to manually call all your friends and 800 strangers to tell them you went to the gym.
  • I’d just like to say thank you to “LOL” for being there when I had nothing more to say.

 

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  • You know which people I never manage to understand? Those ones that put deeeep, life-changing quotes and then quietly throw in a selfie, like oh my word, how did that get there? We know you look pretty, ok ? Leave the unrelated quotes and life lessons. Here’s a like for you.
  • That sad moment when you can’t upload on Instagram or like any one else’s posts because you told someone you were going to sleep.
  • The second most important question after “how are you” is, “what’s the Wi-Fi password?”
  • Home is where the Wi-Fi connects automatically.
  • Can parents ever watch a video without asking you who is in the video and 30 other questions? Just watch the video and laugh.
  • Before you eat, you need to wash your hands, say a prayer and then take a picture of the food. How will you be able to eat, otherwise?
  • Scroll, scroll, scroll, accidently like somebody’s picture from 2001, burns computer, runs away, changes name to Pepito, and moves to Mexico. Any millennials worst nightmare. Getting caught in the middle of a stalking session.

 

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  • I like yours so you like mine. Where are all those “like-for-like” peeps at?
  • Everybody on social media are deep people who appreciate nature, because sunset pictures get the most likes.
  • Showing your friends a video that was SUPER funny to you and now you’re awkwardly watching it with them, assuring them that it gets funnier.
  • You start going through a friend’s profile and by the end of the hour are sitting on their sister’s husband’s brother-in-laws’ childhood friend’s nanny’s profile. The stalking train. Hop on.
  • Girls getting married changing their profile pictures to “we created you in pairs.”
  • You use your phone to avoid people or unwanted conversations. Especially that day you go out and aren’t looking on fleek or still need to wax.
  • Going to some girls’ bio and seeing “model” in the description because they their instagram pics got more than 50 likes.
  • Those people who tag you in their selfies or product-selling posts. What do you want from me?
  • Listen here. That dog-face snapchat filter was cute the first 156,0540,5410 times we saw it. Sometimes we just have to face reality and use our own faces pictures. Do I need to translate that for you? Woof woof woof stop woof woof.
  • I love people that put up sleeping selfies. Lol, like if I actually had people taking pictures of me while I was sleeping, I’d have called the cops and taken out a couple of restraining orders by now.
  • 9/10 times tagged pictures looks as ugly as your ID picture.
  • After your birthday, you have to thank all the 1000 people you don’t know who wished you a happy birthday, also as a reminder to everyone who didn’t wish you yet. You have a second chance to post a meaningless message for me.

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  • Likes and shares can cure cancer. Don’t forget that.
  • Sadly, there are some statuses you will just have to keep to yourself because you have family on Facebook.
  • Remember that time you died because you didn’t send that chain message to ten people before midnight? Good times.
  • If you’re losing a cyber fight, start correcting peoples grammar.
  • You will always have those people who seem like they aren’t active, but are silently scrolling and judging everyone. They know everything.
  • You low-key live for fights in the comments section. OMG That guy said her neck-line is lower than the Zimbabwean dollar and her friends came commenting in for back-up, a war’s about to start!!! Where’s the popcorn??
  • If your friend doesn’t stalk people on your behalf and report back to you, are they even your friend?

Written by Safiyyah Sujee (CA) SA, Bi-weekly writer, #MyGirlSquad

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