#WCW: Women Who Slay / Culture / Fashion & Beauty

Guest post : To have and to Let Go

Sunday afternoon, my mother’s kitchen Johannesburg South

This is officially my first post as a married woman. Yes, me, I am married. Two weeks ago a pastor, who made a beautiful speech that involved Jungian theory, married my now husband and me. It’s still a bit dreamlike in my head but here is where I find myself. I, Terry-Ann Adams (new surname, I’ve got to watch that) am married at 24 and not totally ashamed of that fact.

So you are probably wondering how the wedding went. Well don’t ask my husband or me, we were too busy getting married, people said it went really well and that the food was splendid. I wore a princess dress which I chose at first sight, and my husband (I am going to keep doing that) wore a suit with a cravat which made him look like prince charming. Now, this is not what this post is about. This post is not about my fairy tale wedding day; this post is about how after a week into marriage, I am realized that I am worthy of love from another human.


Photo courtesy of Terry-Ann

I have said this before, but I will say it again; the image of albinism in society has a profound impact on how people with albinism see themselves. I am no exception. From a very young age, it was drilled into me that albinism and disability, in general, is not sexy or desirable. I was often called lelik (ugly in Afrikaans) by my childhood tormentors, so it was no surprise to me that in my teenage years, I was last on the dating list. You know that person that you point to in the street when you are making fun of your friends saying that they are going to end up with that person? I was that person. This was not a big self-esteem booster, so naturally, I didn’t have the best self-image.

So here comes my husband, all shiny and glistening and he thinks that I am beautiful, albinism and all. I did not believe him; I am not going to lie, I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. I kept thinking that society will win him over one day and that he will see me the way I see myself. Well, you know that story ends, and here he is husbanding behind me by entertaining my mother while I write this post. This story has a happy ending, but most other stories don’t. I guess that this is what this post is about, how society and ableism and the notion that disability cannot be desirable ruins countless lives. So many people are robbed of being loved and desired because some asshole decided that you cannot be sexually desired if you have a disability. I know that these notions are deeply embedded and as a result people aren’t going to change overnight but maybe someone will start to tell someone else that they are ableist. Two weekends ago on a Sunday, I got married. A triumph over an ableist society which says that people like me do not deserve marriage or love of any kind.

Anyway, I should probably go and wife now (I am new at this don’t judge me).

Also how many times did I type “my husband”?

This post originally appeared on https://terrytalksblog.wordpress.com/2017/05/07/to-have-and-to-let-go/ 


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