Have you ever had that horrible feeling of a black hole sitting where your heart is supposed to be? Consuming all your happiness – bringing nothing but grief. You sit in the dark, in denial of what you’re really going through. Yes child, you’re chest paining. Getting through a break up is not easy. All those memories of happier times you shared are getting you in all in your feelings. We try forget and pretend everything is okay but once the chest pain hits there’s no escaping it. It WILL hit you – in the middle of the dance floor, at the grocery store, even on a date with a potential other and when it hits, it hits hard.
I’ve been going through the most dealing with the chesties and I’d like to say the first chest pain is the hardest and it gets better after that but I’d be lying. Now I like to play the tough cookie and pretend as if nothing gets to me and be about that ‘thug life’ but in all honesty, I’m as moist as a Twinkies. Now, at my age I shouldn’t be going through it. I should be living my best ‘care-free’ life – going out with my friends and sipping on some champers but instead I’m at home in my pajamas listening to Ashanti, asking the Lord to “take this pain from me.”
Through all the hurt, the sadness and anger, denial is always the underlying feeling. How could the person you gave your everything to, the person who said, and I quote, “you are my whole life” now get over you with such ease??? You thought they were different right, maybe even ‘the one.’ It’s difficult to accept that the love is gone and now replaced with resentment. So once you start accepting that this person is not in your life anymore, you eventually start to move on – you get out of bed every day. Which is a start.
And just when you think you’ve gotten over the worst, you find out your ex has already moved on with someone else. You just happened to stumble upon this information at 1 am as you scrolled through your Facebook – of course you weren’t monitoring their page – that would be stalking! At this point you’re either bingeing on pizza and ice-cream or you’ve forgotten to eat for the past two weeks. I’m the latter, because sometimes food just doesn’t taste the same after a tough breakup.
Embrace the chest pains. There is no moving on without hurting. And sometimes the person you thought was your best friend and would always hold you down is holding down someone else. You’ve got to let go of all the anger and move on with YOUR life because they definitely have. It hurts. I’m hurting. But I’m done hurting. In the words of Queen Bey, “Thank God I found the good in goodbye.”
So instead of keeping my emotions in, I just listen to chest pain music and dance the pain away.
Here’s my personal chest pain playlist:
- Tamia – Officially Missing You
- Ashanti – Rain On Me
- Adele – Someone Like You
- Maxwell – Pretty Wings
- Mary J. Blige – Not Gon’ Cry
- Alicia Keys – Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart
- Kelly – When A Woman Loves
- Justin Bieber – Love Yourself
- Whitney Houston – It’s Not Right But It’s Okay
- Angie Stone – Wish I Didn’t Miss You
- Whitney Houston ft. Faith Evans & Kelly Price– Heartbreak Hotel
- Beyoncé – Best Thing I Never Had
Written by Zuleka Pukwana, Staff Writer, #mygirlsquad