Culture

Single Mom Status: Run Men, Run!

Men running away from women with children is nothing new as Joseph was about to put Mary away when he found out she was pregnant before they even got married!  Being a single mother doesn’t stop me from cringing at the thought of my son one day dating one.  It’s as if it’s embedded into a mother’s code to want a normal life for her boys, and that doesn’t include taking up with a single mother.  However, experience has taught me not to judge, and above all, I just want my son to be happy.  Here are some conclusions I’ve come up with as to why we teach our sons to run.

Image 5

Photo Credit: [untitled photo of woman on phone with baby]. (N.D.) Retrieved March 14, 2016 from http://www.averagebro.com/2010_11_01_archive.html

Perhaps our own not-so-great experiences taint our perspective, whether they be first or secondhand.  A male friend of ours who was duped by a woman with four kids.  Or, as in the soap opera played out in social media between Ciara, Future, and Russell Wilson (So happy for their new engagement by the way!), we know someone who’s dating a single mother with a crazy, jealous ex.  Whatever the scenario, our minds are made up about single mothers and we want our sons as far from the drama as possible.

We are traditionalists when it comes to family.  It’s ok for the blended family next door who has three kids, one from each partner’s previous relationship and one they conceived together, but it’s not for our family.  We want our young kings to have the delight of finding a young and undefiled queen with whom to start a family with when ready.  We also know that starting a marriage right off the bat with a child brings a whole lot of extra baggage requiring our sons to grow up fast in becoming fathers overnight.  We just want the best for them, and that includes starting their lives off in a traditionally uncomplicated way.

And finally, we’ve bought into the stigmata that society has created around the condition of single mothers.  We see them as damaged goods from broken homes who are incapable of loving and being loved.  We think they are lazy, and that they are just looking for a man to replace the government in taking care of them and their house full of fatherless children.  Their kids are unruly troublemakers who defiantly yell out “You’re not my daddy!”.  We strive to protect our sons from seemingly inevitable broken hearts and empty pockets.

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Photo Credit: [untitled photo of mother and adult son]. (N.D.) Retrieved March 14, 2016 from http://madamenoire.com/295542/gotta-watch-em-what-a-mans-relationship-with-his-mom-tells-you-about-how-he-handles-women/

These are valid reasons, as they’ve all happened to somebody somewhere.  However, this isn’t the case for every young woman with a child.  For all we know, she could be an accomplished professional coming from a modest, two-parent home.  Whatever the situation may be that caused her to become a single parent, it wasn’t planned, nor does she feel proud of it.  We must be compassionate and not so quick to judge by appearance.  These women have been dealt an undesirable lot in life, and in spite of the real struggle they’d be signing up for, they chose to take responsibility in bringing forth life.  Shouldn’t that count for something?

Furthermore, we must trust our sons in judging the character of these young women.  They deserve happiness just like anyone else, and if our sons want to provide for them and their children, we should be proud of that and accepting of their relationship.   After all, where would Jesus be if Joseph had not accepted Mary in her pregnant and unwed condition?  Now that’s something to think about!

Leslie Matthews, writer of personal finance who loves raising her son, has an insatiable hunger for learning about technology, and lives for a good vegan meal. Read more on her blog on smartbudgetmoves.com

Written By: Leslie Matthews, Contributing Writer, #mygirlsquad

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