Old habits die hard. Toxic relationship patterns die even harder. If you think back on some of your previous relationships, do you notice certain patterns? If you have ever been in a toxic relationship, you may find it difficult to establish different patterns in your new relationship. Unfortunately leaving a relationship behind does not always leave the behavior behind . As you learn to love and grow again, here are 5 habits to leave in your old relationship.
1. Unnecessary arguments.
When I was younger, I constantly found myself going from one toxic relationship to the next. One of the things that I consistently noticed in my relationships was the need to argue. In my mind, I considered all of the arguing and making up to be emotional and passionate. I later realized that most of it was trivial mind games. There are so many other ways to show your passion and emotion in a relationship other than arguing. Save the drama for the television, and focus on communicating effectively.
2. Damaged self-esteem
Toxic relationships can do a number on your self-esteem. If this is the case for you then a healthy “heal and rebuild” is in order. Moving into another relationship will not build your self-esteem. It is called “self” esteem for a reason. Take time to examine all of your positives, while learning what ways you can improve your weaknesses. There’s nothing worse than trying to build up a person who does not feel worthy. Love yourself first.
3. Your preconceived notions
Your toxic relationships have probably taught you that all men are the same, all relationships are the same, and every outcome will be the same. While some relationships bear some resemblance to one another, every relationship is not the same. Neither is every person. Be careful of bringing your negative ideas into a new situation.
4. Passive aggressiveness
This is a huge no-no in any relationship and is the epitome of miscommunication. Toxic relationships teach you that acting out will solve the problem. On the contrary, acting out will get you attention, but it usually does not address the problem. Passive aggressiveness is the perfect way for you partner to misunderstand how you feel. It is not an efficient form of communication and is very frustrating for the person on the receiving end.
Scorekeeping was one of my go to toxic relationship habits. Not only did I keep the score in romantic relationships. I kept it in all of my relationships. As soon as anyone called me out on my behavior, I’d go all the way back to 2008 when they forgot my birthday. It didn’t matter why it happened. It only mattered that I remembered and would never let them forget it. This is no way to have a relationship. No one is telling you to forget how you feel, but try to remember that everyone makes mistakes. Even you. Using the past to make someone feel wrong in the present is a sucky feeling.
Relationship building can be tough, but building with old habits can be even tougher. Let go of your toxic relationship past and step into a much better future. Your heart and soul will thank you in the long run!
Couple-fight. jpg (2015) Big Stock Photo. Retreived from https://www.bigstockphoto.com/image-69275731/stock-photo-attractive-couple-having-an-argument-on-couch-at-home-in-the-living-room 2017 Apr 16