Culture

The unspoken truths of social media- Part 2

Navigating the social media sea can be difficult to say the least. There are however always truths that we all know well.

  •  You send a “LMAO I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING” text to your friend while you have a straight face in real-life.
  • Those precious people who re-post and believe everything they see, like an article reading “giant skeleton found off coast of Italy wearing size 44 converse sneakers.” Knowledge is power.
  • Behind every successful selfie are 50 failed ones.
  • What would social media be without those girls who update Snapchat and then Instagram and WhatsApp, in case we missed it the first time.
  • Meeting people in real life and not being able to recognize them. Why aren’t there filters in real life.

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  • People that send candy crush invites. It’s time to move on now.
  • When people post so much about their ex, that you also start missing their ex.
  • Have you ever just died of curiosity because a PDA couple who post EVERYTHING about their relationship status suddenly break up and stop posting. Like how can you do that?? We need closure too, tell us what happened.
  • Aunties and uncles that comment on Facebook and have no idea how social media works so they use the comments section like a messenger- “Hey my darling, long time. How’s mummy and daddy and everyone? You must come home. Lovely picture. You like just like your Aunty Gulshan.”
  • Those aunties that hold their phones 3 meters from their face and scrunch their faces are the ones that run to your parents and tell them what they saw you doing “in the WhatsApp.”
  • Me updating my status like “I just qualified as a chartered accountant!!!” (2 likes), hot girl updates her status like “I just woke up” (234 likes, 60 comments).

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  • That one amazing friend that always likes your posts. Big shout out to you, little one. One day you can be great too.
  • Those people that put up sad, depressing posts because social media serves as their personal diaries and if you ask what’s wrong, you’re nosey and rude. Ok then.
  • You know I’m really an animal lover. So sometimes, when I see some people in person I want to fling a loaf of bread at them. I mean, c’mon, they have like 39 uploaded duck-face posts, just this week.
  • When you get more than 8 likes on your post, you search on Google like “How to handle fame.””
  • Holiday overkill. How many times do you come across these kinds of people? First they tag in at the airport, so nice, you’re happy for them. Then a selfie on the plane, ah how nice, give them a like. Then a picture of what they’re eating. “LIKE”. Then the hotel, then the room, then the view, then the scene from the car, then a bathroom selfie, then the sunrise, then the sunset, then a 797 picture album on Facebook. We get it. You went on holiday.
  • Don’t we all love drama? Those people that post their problems on Facebook like “How would you deal with friends who backbite about you? I just want to say to all the people who have been talking about me, only God can judge me *adds holy quote*”. Please don’t bring God’s name into it.
  • Those guys that post pictures topless on Facebook and when girls go crazy and comment they’re suddenly very modest. “Awww thanks sweety, my six pack and muscles are not that big, I only gym 9 times a week. I`m so fat lol.”
  • Why can’t we just skip that Clearblu advert on Youtube?
  • After you leave your ex, they suddenly have smoking hot selfies, meet celebrities, get new cars, become socialites and become over-night stars.

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  • If enough people haven’t liked your new profile picture, you think you’ve become ugly and go into depression.
  • When you get dressed, you realize you can’t wear ‘that shirt’ because you wore it in your last profile picture.
  • Posting song lyrics that relate to our current situation just because we’re discreet and deep like that.
  • Giggling to yourself because see two girls that hate each other commenting on each other’s pictures like- “So gorgeous sweety, looking like a model!”. Go look under your foot. It probably says “Made in China” because you’re that fake.
  • Unfriending people who won’t stop updating about how amazing their kids are. Your child drank juice. There are other kids that can do that too, believe it or not.
  • When you need to delete things from your phone for extra space, you would never consider deleting your photo editor. That’s just sick.
  • When someone changes their relationship status, you text your buds the new gossip so you can discuss what a cute or weird couple they make and how did they even end up together?
  • Seeing people with pictures like “Woke up like this #JustMeThings” and translating it as #JustAttentionThings.
  • Asking people to follow you on social media like you’re going to get some prize (P.S follow me on Facebook and Instagram).
  • You make sure you’re not following more people than are following you.

Written by Safiyyah Sujee (CA) SA, Bi-weekly writer, #MyGirlSquad

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